Never Drink and Surf
by Itdoesringabell
Summary: If you can't trust the internet while sober, how can you trust it while drunk?


**_Won't be able to update Matter of Years anytime soo, but I wrote this when I woke up. Hope you'll enjoy it._**

* * *

Slumber isn't the word, but it's close to it. It's as if something was desperately trying to get her awake, but her body refused to abide, drawn out of all its energy.

However, Blair slowly starts to open her eyes. She immediately recognizes the ceiling. It's wooden and dark. It's Humphrey's.

How did she get here again? Humphrey has been at some dumb soccer game with Nate all weekend in Boston. He is actually supposed to come back today. So why is she here? Sure, she has a spare key, but she never had to use it when he was out of town.

A noise next to her causes her to sit up abruptly. A gesture that she quickly regrets because bells are starting to ring in her head. With a groan, she turns to the left to see a snoring mass under the covers.

Blair's heart pace quickens. Who is this person? She is clearly hung over, and she has no idea how she got to Humphrey's, with a stranger nonetheless. Blair's hand fly to her body hoping to find what she doesn't find. Fabric. She is in her underwear. In Humphrey's bed.

Oh God. She cheated on Humphrey in his bed. The thought gives her nausea.

She has to know. She does. It'll be best if she has to explain herself. She lifts her hand and moves it toward the body.

_Please don't let it be Chuck. Please don't let it be Chuck._

It wasn't. It was just Serena. Blair's entire body relaxes and she lets herself drop on the bed. Of course. She went out with Serena last night. But why did they end up in Brooklyn? And why was she undressed? She had no reason to be undressed in Serena's presence. Unless they had tequila. Tequila always made them a little more that best-friendly.

Blair's eyes shoot open again and she uncovers a fully clothed Serena. Another rush of relief. She did not cheat on Humphrey with her best friend and his ex and step sister in his bed. Although the thought gives her a light chuckle.

As she lies on the bed, she tries to recover all her memories from the night before. It had started as a cocktail party at Lily and Rufus's. Then they went to her place with Chuck to celebrate something. A new hotel, maybe? There had definitely been more champagne than planned. Then they went to a nightclub. Chuck wasn't there anymore. Then they went home, right?

Wrong. Otherwise she would be in her own bed. Think, Blair, think.

Oh yes! On their way home, they met people. Serena liked one of them. So they both followed them to…Queens?

Blair shot an annoyed glance at Serena sleeping by her side. Why would she make them go to Queens?

Okay, and what did they do at Queens. They went to another nightclub. Serena got into a fight. With whom again? Right, a middle aged Latina. Blair laughs, thinking of how many bruises Serena must've gotten. Perhaps she even has a black-eye.

After that they decided to go home. But something happened in the cab. Blair frowns, trying desperately to remember what the game changer had been.

She had a faint memory of someone crying. Whining, even. Had Serena been hurt more than she thought in the stupid fight? No, it wasn't Serena. Serena had the soothing voice in her memory. So that leaves, what? The taxi driver? That wouldn't make any sense.

Then Blair realizes. She's the one who's been crying. Why? What happened? She tries to put herself back into the cab, tries to feel what she felt the night before.

_I miss him._

Her eyes open again. She had said that at one point. Alcohol always made her brutally honest.

Blair's throat tightens and her eyes start to burn. Who was she talking about? Chuck? She was sure she was over that part of her life. She was happy with Humphrey. But apparently, her drunk-self thought the contrary.

_Why did he leave? Aren't I better than some soccer game?_

The memory literally burns her brain as she realizes she had been crying over…Humphrey? Now that's unacceptable.

He has only been gone two days. So what? She can't live without him now?

Although it is true he left on Friday morning and hasn't called her since Friday night. All Saturday long, she had been waiting for his call. Probably too busy brushing Nate's hair.

Blair snorts. She hates him, sometimes. He's not even the attentionate boyfriend he made her believe he would be. Sure, he cooked for her. And he took her to movies and exhibits. And he often offered her macaroons. Gave her flowers sometimes. He would also sometimes write a story just upon one of her requests. He organized surprise pic-nics in Central Park. He would come to the penthouse early on Sunday morning and take her on a walk so they could see the city waking up and the sun rise.

But getting her used to those things and then not call her Saturday? That made him an asshole.

So yes, she cried and that was probably why they ended up at his loft. Perhaps Serena thought that being there would make her feel better.

A little electronic chime catches Blair's attention. She looks next to the bed and a laptop is sitting on the floor. Blair takes it on the bed with her. It's Humphrey's inbox. And not only that. It seems like she and Serena had fun when they got to the loft. Unless Dan had googled "sexy Asian men" all by himself.

Blair tries not to laugh out loud while she browses through the history.

"_How to get an egg into a bottle"_

"_What is the difference between a pea and a mushroom?"_

_Gossip Girl._

"_Why are British people so weird?"_

"_Why do British people get sensitive when called weird?"_

_EBay._

"_Who invented toilet paper?"_

Wait a second. Blair scrolls back up and frowns. Ebay? She opens the page. And her whole world shatters.

No. No. NO.

This can't be happening.

She did not do this.

Think, Blair, think.

If she really did this, she must've gotten some sort of confirmation e-mail. She quickly logs on to her inbox and not only she finds an e-mail from E-bay which confirms the sale, but several unread others, all from Humphrey. She clicks on the oldest one on Saturday, early in the morning.

"_Nate broke his phone after his fifth beer and mine is out of power. I know you're going to give me hell for forgetting to pack my charger. E-mail me, though. Love you."_

Then Saturday later in the morning.

"_It's almost 10 and Blair Waldorf hasn't checked her mails yet. Is it really possible? Or are you mad at me for forgetting my charger? If it's that, I don't think at all that you're overreacting. Answer me, please?"_

Then Saturday, at noon.

_Okay, Blair, I'm starting to worry. The game is in two hours so we gotta get going. Please give me some sign that you're alive. Even if it's a picture of your middle finger. I love you."_

Then Saturday, in the afternoon.

"_Are you going to my father's tonight? Why don't you answer? Are you sick or something? Do I need to come back sooner? Blair, answer me I'm begging you."_

Then Saturday evening.

"_Just got an e-mail from my dad saying you were there tonight and that you looked fine. I get it, I won't bother you anymore. See you._"

Blair closed the computer. She might be the worst girlfriend that has ever existed. Why didn't she check her e-mails? But she doesn't even have time to think of that.

Something else is going on. Perhaps if she leaves quietly and Serena stays here Dan would think…

"Blair?"

Blair jumps and turns to her friend. Serena can barely open her eyes and her blond hair is all over her face.

"Blair? Why are we here? And why are you undressed? Did we have tequila last night?"

"I don't know" Blair rolls her eyes. "Can you remember what we did last night?"

"I remember having fun" Serena says, sitting in the bed. "That was kind of an unexpected night. Improbable, even. Did I get in a fight?" she asks with a smile. Then her eyes widens "Oh my God, Blair, you cried because you missed Dan!"

Blair crosses her arms and looks straight in front of her.

"You were so pissed he didn't call you" Serena says "I'm pretty sure you started to plan your revenge when we got here. Didn't you want to…?"

Then Serena trails off and Blair turns to her. She can see her friend gazing in the air, trying to remember something. Then her eyes widens again, in horror this time.

"Oh my God…Blair…did you?"

Blair can tell Serena understands the answer by the look on her face.

"I'm outta here" she says, getting out of the bed swiftly.

"What?" Blair hisses "Serena sit your ass down! We're in this together"

"Oh no!" Serena says, putting on her shoes "You're the one who has this weird link with him about it. I never even paid attention to it."

"That's why we have to tell him _you_ did it!"

"What? No way, you take responsibilities for you actions"

Serena picks up her purse and gives her one last look. Blair displays her best look of misery and Serena sighs.

"Listen, you just have to tell him that you're sorry and that you were really drunk. That you were sad he left. Have you told him you love him yet?"

"No" Blair mutters, blushing.

"Well that would be a good time to do it." Serena says "And then you sex him up. Let him do whatever he wants to you. Like even the stuff you didn't let Chuck do."

"I let Chuck do everything"

Serena grimaces "Carter Baizen, then."

"Wow, let's not get carried away!" Blair says.

They both freeze as they hear the front door open.

"Is someone here?" Dan's voice asks.

"See ya!" Serena whispers to Blair, then walks out of the bedroom.

"Serena?" Blair can hear Dan ask. "What are you…"

"Have a meeting, can't stay, you look great, bye bye!"

"What the f…?"

Blair hears the front door slamming and a few seconds later Dan enters the room. He has a crooked smile when he sees her.

"I thought you were mad at me" he says, sitting on the other side of the bed.

"No! No. Why would you think that?" Blair moves closer to him as he kicks off his shoes.

"You didn't answer my e-mails."

"I didn't see them" Blair lies.

Dan nods then frowns.

"What were you and Serena doing here? And why are you in your underwear? Uh oh, did you girls drink tequila last night?"

"No!" Blair hits him on the shoulder "I just didn't want to wrinkle my dress."

"Then why is it laying on the floor"

Blair follows his glare. Her dress is crumpled on the floor. Oh, well.

"Okay. You got me. I was wasted last night, and I ended up here because I missed you too much."

"You did?" Dan asks.

"Yeah." Blair puts her arms around him then pushes him on his back onto the bed. "And since I'm already in my underwear…"

Dan's eyes start gleaming as Blair straddles him on the bed. His hands fly over the soft skin of her thighs. Blair is grateful for how horny he always is. It's like he can never get enough of her. She kisses him deeply and passionately then trails her kiss to his neck. Not her smartest move, because now, he can look up and see the shelves over his bed.

"Wait…" he says "Blair, have you moved Cedric?"

Blair freezes. Fuck.

"Perhaps he went for a walk? Now, show me how much you missed me too" she says starting to unbuckle his belt.

And he shows her. For two plain hours. And Blair lets him do _everything_ he wants to do to her. She does _everything_ he tells her to do. Which is less that unpleasant. As she is lying next to him, trying to catch her breath, Blair starts to see another side of Dan. One that could make her be deliciously ashamed of herself. But she knows that sooner or later, she will have to face the facts and tell him what she did.

He props himself up on his forearm.

"That was pretty amazing" he says with a grin. "Was there a reason for that?"

"No" Blair shakes her head, trying not to blush under the lie "Dan" she reaches up to gently stroke his cheek "I love you"

Dan seems taken aback.

"What did you say?" he asks.

Blair frowns. This isn't the reaction she expected, nor hoped.

"I…love you?" she repeats.

"OH HELL NO!" Dan gets up from the bed and put his boxers on.

Blair shoots him and confused an angry glare, cross.

"What is wrong with you, Humphrey?"

"You think I don't know why you did all of this?" Dan asks "You think I don't know that you _tried to sell Cedric on Ebay?"_

Blair gasps loudly.

"How do you know? And wait, what do you mean 'I tried'? I didn't sell him?"

"You made the sale but you never sent him. You realized what you had done and you went all the way to The Empire to give Cedric to Chuck for safety. I went by there with Nate, before coming back here today. Chuck told me everything."

Dan opens his packing bag and gets out Cedric. Blair doesn't know if she should sing with happiness or cry out of rage thinking about how Dan manipulated her to get what he wanted in bed.

"You Brooklyn weasel! You know I would let you do all that stuff because I felt guilty!"

"Well it's payback, Blair. And you liked it."

"Not the point!"

"But Blair…telling me you love me just to get back in my good grace? Doesn't the word have any meaning to you?"

Dan seems genuinely hurt and Blair starts to feel terrible.

"Of course it does" she says getting out of bed.

She doesn't care that she is naked and presses against him for an embrace.

"Dan" she says "What I said, I might have said it for the wrong reasons. But it doesn't mean it's not true."

Dan looks down to her but doesn't say anything.

"I love you, Dan. I've been trying to show you for weeks, because I didn't know if I could finally say it. But now I can. I love you."

Dan sighs deeply and pulls her into a deep kiss.

"I love you too" he whispers against her lips.

Then he gently spanks her ass, causing her to yelp.

"And you're forgiven" he says with a smirk.

He starts to move to the door when Blair catches his hand.

"Alright, but you're not"

Dan looks at her, confused.

"You manipulated me" Blair says "And I'm not going to accept that"

Dan's eyes instantly darken.

"You're not?" he asks, his voice low.

Blair shakes her head with a promiscuous smile and leads him back on the bed, pulling him over her. As their body meet again, Dan starts breathing heavily.

"Blair, we've been at it for two hours. I don't know how long I'm gonna be able to last this time" he says, kissing her neck.

"Come on" Blair says, pushing down his boxers "Show me what you can do, Cabbage Patch."


End file.
